It was Monday, September 19th. Finally the day had arrived to find out the gender of Baby Blaustein #4. I was dying of curiosity, especially after having a dream that it was a baby boy. I just had to know if I was right or if I had been lead astray by my big imagination. I have had a hard time fathoming having anything but girls in our family. Nor did I think it was possible for us. But nonetheless I had pictured this little baby in blue footed pajamas and from that I thought that maybe, just maybe, it could be a boy.
Brent said several times that he wanted another girl. When he first said this I immediately asked him if he was just saying that because he was trying to ward off disappointment should it not be a boy. “No” he said emphatically, “I really want another girl”. I’ve since tested him on this and each time he comes back with the same answer.
Ultimately, what we both want more than anything is a healthy baby. With this pregnancy I did the pre-screening tests for Down syndrome and other chromosomal abnormalities that I didn’t do with the first three pregnancies. We didn’t want any more surprises other than the one we got when I found out I was expecting again. These pre-screening tests don’t give 100% results like a amniocentesis could, but they do give parents valuable information that helps them decide whether or not to go forward with an amnio. For us, I was relieved that all of my results came back normal with the chances of such abnormalities very low.
When people have asked me what I wanted, a boy or girl, I tell them that I just want to have a healthy baby. But in all honesty, I have been lying a bit. I have wanted a boy. As freaked out at the idea as I have been, I have wanted to see what it is like to parent a little boy.
However, in those quiet moments (that I hardly get) I have thought about, with some fear, about raising a boy and how adding a boy to our family of girls would change our dynamic. Having just packed away Rocky’s 12-month-sized clothing, I have wondered what would become of the ton of little girl’s stuff we have stacked in large plastic storage containers in the garage. Would the clothes we never got to use, still with tags on them, go to a consignment store, get given away, or sit there collecting dust? Would we eventually have to get a train table? Or would we ever decide on a boy name? The names I have come up with are adorable but they surely would get him teased or beat up in high school and the name Brent likes seems too plain for my taste. Yes, the idea of having a boy was mildly contentious and titillating all at the same time.
When Monday came and the appointment was here, I went upstairs to get ready to leave before our babysitter arrived. I took off my cleaning-the-house clothes and as I got dressed I put on a light blue pair of Evoke Intimates underwear (best boy shorts undies ever!) with the word “Hope” on them. I was hoping, doubting, but hoping.
I met my husband at the doctor’s office and before I opened the car door to greet him, I said a little prayer that whatever the results were going to be that I was going to be okay with them and happy. After all, having a fourth is a dream come true no matter what the gender of the baby is.
We went into the office and waited for a short while to see the ultrasound technician. When she came and got us, I was so excited and yet there was a part of me that didn’t want to know. She asked us as soon as we sat down if we wanted to know the gender of the baby and we told her that we did.
She started the exam and after a very long silence she finally said, “Okay, so do you want to know what you are having?” “Yes!” we said in unison. Then she looked right at my husband and said, “You make girls. It’s a girl!”
Although I felt a little twinge of disappointment, my heart didn’t not sink and I didn’t not cry. I was smiling and I was happy. Brent said, “Phew. I’m relieved” (he really wanted another daughter). I knew instantly that we are getting exactly what is perfect for our family: four little, wonderful, and beautiful daughters.
I am so excited to watch our big-little family grow. I am happy because my daughter’s are wonderful. Slogans I have heard like, “I must be Queen because I have all princesses” have popped into my head. Besides, I will always remember what someone told me long ago about having girls, “Daughters bring you sons” So in time, I will have sons too. I am certain I am the luckiest woman alive.