I’ve been reading a little bit of online criticism towards mommy bloggers for being so negative about parenting in their blogs. I could feel the defensiveness well up inside of me as I thought to myself, “It’s my blog, and I’ll complain if I want to”. Personally, I love to complain but feel that a good mommy blog covers the basics of motherhood while mixing complaints with stories of love and devotion.
Ultimately, I believe that humor is one of the most important assets one can have when embarking on the road of parenting. Without it, I would be sunk by now. Just this evening, after dinner, my husband got the task of taking the kids outside to play with the neighbors and their kids. As he left, he looked at me and said, “I hate you right now”. He was tired, it had been a long day, and all he wanted to do was get the kids ready for bed and have some time to himself. I got to stay inside with Rocky who was pretty happy babbling away and playing with herself. Had it not been for a sense of humor, which I happened to possess in the moment he said it, I might not have laughed out loud. I might have just thrown a knife at the door.
We sat down after getting the kids down for bed and set upon our backlog of Tivo’d episodes of United States of Tara, a show that chronicles the life of a woman living with Multiple Personality Disorder. As I watched this show, I can’t help but identify with her, because motherhood for me has been like I am living as one person one day and another person the next. Lately, some days for me have been easy and I’ve been happy-go-lucky with the kids. The next day, I want to have nothing to do with parenting and would rather be on a deserted island all by myself. My patience and tolerance isn’t always so great on those days.
Those multiple personality days are usually when I haven’t gotten a good night’s sleep or haven’t been feeling well. This past week it seemed like it was both for me; I had a hard time sleeping while getting over the worst sore throat I’ve ever had plus pink eye (I can’t believe I had pink eye. What am I a dirty little kid?).
I know that I can be light and a happy mom if I choose to be. As a mother I do laugh a lot, have a good time parenting, and I can write about it too. But sometimes, I’d rather write about how much I hate Play-Doh, which a friend on Facebook reminded me about this week. I hate how it gets everywhere and dries up. I have a hard time when the colors mix together even though the kids don’t. I hate that my kids always want to play with it after the floors have just been cleaned and I find little crumbly pieces for days after we play with it.
I hate finger painting and getting messy. I hate how washable markers sometimes aren’t really washable. I hate sidewalk chalk. I hate bathtub crayons even though the mark they leave can be washed off. I hate stickers even though as a kid I once had the biggest sticker collection that ever existed. I swore that I would never be that kind of person that allows their children to put stickers on their car windows. Then I found stickers on the back window of the van the other day and I spent an afternoon scrapping them off.
I hate my daughter’s little plastic dress-up shoes and how loud they are clanking against the hardwood floors. I pretty much hate all things made out of plastic in our home. I hate sippy cups. I hate that Olivia never lets me wash Ponty (her blankie) and that he smells (oh, yes, it’s a “he”) like milk gone bad. I hate the stacks and stacks of papers from school that my daughter insists on saving (even though I love her artwork).
The list can go on and on but for everything I hate, there are at least a dozen things that I love and more. I tolerate the things that I hate because I love my children. They don’t know how I really feel about their dirty Ponty. I get over the fact that Play-Doh gets everywhere and markers stain because they are kids and they are only kids once. What’s a childhood without Play-Doh and markers?
I love being a mom and just because I write about the things that I struggle with or bug me doesn’t mean that I would have it any other way. My children are amazing teachers and I am learning so much from them. I am also enjoying the camaraderie with other moms that are in the trenches with me. I feel like knowing that other people can relate helps me get through those days when I am sad for no apparent reason or quick to anger in my reactions to my kids. Parenthood isn’t always candy and roses and thankfully I’m doing it, albeit one day at a time.
But if, at times, I do forget to touch down and see how good my life with children really is and someone feels as though my writing is overloaded with complaints, I get to turn to them and say in my best mock four-year-old voice (which I know all too well from experience), “Hey, it’s my blog and I’ll complain if I want to!” Either that or “You’re not the boss of me!”
If you spent as much time on writing about he things you love, rather than the things you hate, those things will slowly disappear because you will not be focused on them anymore…
I bet you would feel a lot better if you made a list of things that you LOVE about being a mom, rather than getting all worked up and irritated about the things you hate.
but yes… It is your blog and you can whine if you want to. 🙂
Ptownlove, you are right it is my blog and I thank you for reading it. However, in my defense (defensiveness), if you read my blogs regularly, you would know that I do LOVE a lot. I have a running list and it’s called: Olivia, Georgia, and Raquel. At any rate, a reminder about staying positive is always needed, so thanks.
I do read your blog 🙂 I love it! It’s reminds us that super moms do exist!
Ah PTownLove, I was so disappointed to read your comment to this blog. It makes me wonder if you read the blog at all…
Did you skip over this part?
“Ultimately, I believe that humor is one of the most important assets one can have when embarking on the road of parenting”
What about this truthful, loving sentiment?
“there are at least a dozen things that I love and more. I tolerate the things that I hate because I love my children.”
Reading this blog made me laugh out loud and caused my heart swell up, and then reading your finger-pointing comment made me shake my head in disbelief and sadness.
Perhaps you should take a time out and think about what a bad habit sassing back can be…
wow PortlandLove… maybe you should not judge me as I was not judging anyone. It was not a finger pointing, like “you never do this”. It was a comment, about writing all positive things in general. She can write whatever she wants, and yes, I do read her blog all the time. It is full of positive, and great things about being a mom. If I was bashing I would be more inclined to say “Hey. I hate your blog, it’s depressing. you should just stop writing all together” but it’s not , and I love it. Like I said in my follow up comment to her, she reminds us that there are super moms out there like her 🙂 and that it is ok to think it is hard at times.
It was a basic statement, as to suggest, when you do get in those moods, focus on the good things and remind yourself why it is so wonderful to be a mom, rather than spiral down into a “god this part of being a mom sucks”. It’ll put you in a better mood at a time when you just want to cry because it is hard.
maybe you should keep you comments directed to the blogger, and not her readers. Not all of are so arrogant to think “only my opinion counts” Because obviously, people who make comments you disagree with, are a plain target for you to jump on. My comment did not suggest in anyway, that I thought she complains all the time. You however, seem to think that because you interpret it one way, you are right. Well, you could not be more wrong. Have a great day 😉
ps… Mommy.Adventures, if I offended you about offering a suggestion, I apoligize. I would hate for anyone else to construe my comment as anything other than a thoughtful reminder that it’s ok to get upset, but just remember the positives. I guess some people can’t handle that.
PTownlove, no offense taken. As I stated before, I appreciated the reminder about staying positive. If there is anything I’m learning in this whole crazy world of parenting, it’s to remain teachable. I think in general, and the motivation for this particular blog, was to sort of laugh in the face of those criticical of mommy bloggers who are too negative. I went on a little rant about things I hate so as to say “take that critics” because I feel like sometimes we moms are held to a standard that asks us to love everything all the time or else we aren’t good mothers. I think that standard is often self-imposed and therein lies the mommy guilt I’ve written about.
Anyway, thank you both for weighing in here and perhaps both sides have their points. I will say that ptownlove’s comments have been in my mind this week as I felt grumpy about something that my kids were up too that I “hate.” So perhaps there is something to be said for staying positive? Thank you both for your readership, and more than that, for your support.
“we moms are held to a standard that asks us to love everything all the time or else we aren’t good mothers”” —- the people who make us feel that way, are hiding a LOT from themselves and the world 🙂 or they just don’t understand because they are not parents themselves. It’s easy to criticize when you are on the outside looking in. We just have to remember we just do the best we can, and those that have anything bad to say, can go to hell 😉
As a fellow “mommy blogger”, I admit that it’s sometimes easier to write about the negative because those are the parts we need our therapy sessions on – hence the therapeutic blogs. I know I’ve been guilty of writing about the negative when I divulge stories about my family – sometimes to be funny, but many times just to get it out there and hear what others have to say about it. Let’s face it, we got our stuff together when it comes to the good parts, right? Plus, aren’t the imperfect parts more interesting to read since none of us are perfect? It helps a connection to be bridged when others read that we are going through the same troubles they might be struggling with.
Love your blog, Veronica, for those very reasons! Keep up the great work!
First of all, let me say that I love your blog. In fact, I went back to the beginning and read them to get a bigger picture of how loving your family is.
As a teacher and someone who has always worked with kids, I see the messy side as well as the breakable parts of children. I think thats the best part! they are just kids and they have no cares about getting messy. As long as they are having fun and are loved (which I can see your children are so loved), what else matters?
Muchas gracias. ?Como puedo iniciar sesion?