I’ve never told anyone about this before, but I remember sitting in a therapist’s office over ten years ago. I was telling her about my uncertainty of the future and lamenting over my current mental state. I wasn’t married yet, I was childless, and I felt stuck in my life. She then had me do some guided imagery, asked me to close my eyes and envision myself ten years from then. What I saw was an image of myself. I was opening the front door to a nice blue house, I was inviting myself in, and a little girl, presumably my daughter, was tugging at my leg. We walked to the sun porch in the back of the house to have a glass of lemonade.  After that therapy session I remember thinking how clear that vision was and how powerful guided imagery could be. Then I thought that vision would probably never happen.

I am blown away that today, here I am, living in a nice blue house, with not one, but three, beautiful daughters. We don’t have a sun porch and don’t really stock lemonade over here, but clearly my vision has come true in many ways. My life has not only purpose but also meaning and I don’t find myself in a current state of depression about my life on a regular basis. Most days I am happy.

I’m not really sure if I can define the American Dream anymore because I feel like for so many of us, our dreams differ from person to person. However, the stereotypical American Dream usually involves a nice house, with or without a white picket fence, healthy well-rounded children, and perhaps a pet or two. Most people want a place to call their own and enough money in the bank to provide for their families and live a happy, somewhat “normal” life.

As some of you know, I just returned from a trip visiting my friend, Susan, who lives just outside of Boston, MA. She lives in a beautiful New England home, with a creek trickling through the wooded backyard, a large grass-filled front yard, and yes, a white fence (not picket, but gorgeous white wood).  She has two beautiful children and is happily married. I think if you were to ask her what she had envisioned for her life with children, she would have told you that she did not envision having a son with Autism. While I doubt that anyone who dreams of having children would wish to have a special needs child, the few people in my life who have special needs children would tell you that they could not imagine their lives without those kids. Their children have enriched their lives in ways that you or I may not ever know. That is unless we get to know them a little and perhaps spend five days in their home to witness it.

I feel like I have glimpsed into the life of a family working very hard to help their son overcome Autism, a social disorder, that up until now, I knew little to nothing about. I will admit that before I met Ben, I was a little nervous. I didn’t want to do anything to upset him in anyway. I was confronted with feeling a little uncomfortable and I felt worried with wondering if he was going to look me in the eye? Talk to me? Etc.  It seems a bit self-centered but I actually worried if the child with Autism would like me.

Through a program called Son-Rise, Susan and her family, and her team (three au pairs and another experienced former Son-Rise parent) spend anywhere from 7-10 hours per day with Ben in the playroom (home school is what they call it). There they spend time working on eye contact, speech, and communication. Through games and play, the staff work on Ben’s adaptability by adding in variations to the themes that he has introduced. In addition to his strict home school schedule, Ben is taking bio-medical supplements, and eating specific and closely monitored foods. This entire system is designed to help Ben make it off the Autistic spectrum. Their goal is to one day soon have Ben attend school with other children and live a more “normal” life.

What I witnessed in this five-day stay was remarkable. There were so many times when I thought to myself, “Ben’s not Autistic, is he? Na, he’s just a quirky kid”. I was told of how he used to be and after hearing those stories; I was amazed how far he has come in not even two full years doing the Son-Rise program. We had so much fun together and he loved spending time with the baby. We spent time playing with Ben as he “trained her for the baby contest”.  In the end I was thrilled that he not only connected with Rocky but with me as well.

I asked Susan if she knew what might have caused Ben’s Autism, as there is much speculation in the media that vaccinations play a role in the rise of Autism. She truly spends little time thinking about “why” anymore. She is so focused on Ben as he is now and how much he has improved since he was diagnosed at age five. While there, I also read a book called, What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Children’s Vaccinations,by Dr. Stephanie Cave and Deborah Mitchell.  It was an incredible book for parents who, like me, have just followed the path of vaccinations without knowing truly why we give them or what is in them. I found it to be very empowering and will help me better advocate for my children when considering their next vaccination.

I returned home feeling filled up from my trip. Filled up with knowledge, filled up with love, and not to the surprise of those who know me, filled up with a long list of things I would like to improve upon in my own home. One of the biggest learning experiences from being in Susan’s house was seeing her consistent structure with her children. They may have a rigorous schedule but they have a schedule. They may have a strict and specific diet for their children but the dietary boundaries with their children are clear.

I’ll be honest; I have wanted picture perfect children. I want them to listen to me at all times, be intelligent, and be beautiful, and live “normal” lives. In the eyes of many, a child with Autism or another disability may not make the picture perfect/white picket fence family. But oh, from them how much a mom like me, who has healthy children, but struggles parenting them, can learn.

If you are interested in learning more about The Son-Rise Program or to see what I mean, please check out Susan’s blog.