I am three weeks until my due date and Friday I went into see my doctor for my now weekly OB check-up. He asked me when this baby was coming. I laughed and said, “I don’t know Doc. You tell me”.

In the past week, I’ve progressed from 0 to 1 cm dilated, which for those of you who know, I could be hanging at for the remaining weeks or I could just have her tomorrow. That’s the great thing about being full term it could happen any day now.

One other thing to note is that my weekly check-ups now consist of non-stress tests. I am being hooked up to fetal monitors to check out the baby’s heart rate and activity level. I have never had to do this with my previous pregnancies but that is because I wasn’t AMA (Advanced Maternal Age). So at thirty-four, almost thirty-five, I’m an old pregnant lady, eh. Nice.

But my history involves two out of three of my babies being born one day after their due date.  Then there was Georgia, who in total typical Georgia fashion came five days early, rushing into this world at lighting speed. This cracks me up because she is my kid who is constantly on the move and to this day is she rarely seen sitting or resting for any long period of time. In fact, her preschool teachers reward her when she actually settles down long enough to nap. Most days it’s a struggle for them to get her to close her eyes. Another side note: all three of my babies were born on a Friday.

But I’m not one to sit around and wait for this baby to be born. No, I’m busily planning my calendar, adding dance classes to my children’s calendars, and continuing to nest like it’s nobody’s business. I’ve even planned a clothing swap party with some of my girlfriends at the end of the month.

Truth be told, I too have had a hard time sitting still because when I do, I feel the fear creeping in. Just how the heck am I going to manage four kids five and under?

A few months back I was going through a rough week. Every day seemed like a struggle with my kids. One day I went into my OB’s office for my routine check-up. That day happened to be the day that they were administering a survey to me as part of their new perinatal mood disorder assessment program. The results of these surveys are reviewed and if needed, Allison Murphy, licensed MFT, calls and offers some assistance. Guess who got the follow-up call? Yep, moi.

Thankfully, Allison was exceptional and I’m so grateful that Petaluma Women’s Health and the pediatric offices of De Pala and Lundergan are offering this kind of service to women. As a result of a grant, if the survey results in discovering that a counseling session is needed or wanted, women can have one free session with Allison. Having suffered from perinatal mood disorder before, I was hopeful that what I was experiencing then was just a bad week. I was grateful to have her to listen to me, address some of my fears about bringing in another kid into our family, and troubleshoot some of the current issues I was having with my oldest who has been rockin’ the terrible-fives.

Sometimes my feelings come out sideways and as I get ready for this baby I can see that happening a little more. I am scared but I don’t always express it as such. Instead, like today, I raise my voice at my kids. I really need to find a way to get more than just a few minutes a day to myself. I’m pretty sure that will help. I swear I go into the bathroom just for a minute and my kids start calling for me or worse, come looking for me. No wonder my style magazines are not getting read.

I think as the days draw closer to my due date I have felt some actual panic. How I’m going to do school drop-offs and pick-ups? Or how I’ll manage the kids as I take the older ones to the new dance classes I’ve just signed them up for? These are just some of the fears that pop into my head. Forget about ever shopping again. I think I’m going to finally have to do Raley’s E-cart or Safeway.com for delivery. I’m definitely going to keep those trucks in brown occupied for sure.

I’m also scared about giving birth again. I’m not a fan of the pain and so far, and I’m grateful for this, my labor and deliveries have been so quick I don’t get to have an epidural or pain meds. I just pray that it goes quickly like before.

In my most irrational of fears, I find myself worrying that I don’t have everything I need for the little one. But since I practically have enough to start my own little girls’  consignment store, I think we are going to be okay. Today I washed the car seat cover in preparation for putting that in the car. Then I headed out to buy some newborn diapers and a few other things just to make sure we were ready.

I know I’m not the only mom who has given birth to four children. I know I’m not special in my fears or unique in my worries. I have been meeting more and more people who come from big families and people who already have three or more kids. If they did okay, why would I be any different?

Ultimately, I know that having another baby is going to make a wonderful addition to our family and I’m just going to trust that I will find my way somehow. I am excited about meeting our next little daughter and sharing her with all of my friends and family.

So place your bets folks ’cause we are in the home stretch. Will she arrive on Groundhog’s day, her due date? Will she be my 35^th birthday present (January 19^th)? Will it be the end of January and mess up my party plans? A Friday? Only time will tell, until then….