I don’t know if it is the anxiety of labor and delivery or just the excitement to meet her, but I am feeling a little let down that I am still pregnant today. I went in to see my OB yesterday and he stripped my membranes (Google it if you really want to know about it) which I had hoped would have gotten my labor started, but after an early morning of intense contractions, nothing.
Yesterday after I saw friends I thought to myself, I should get a shirt that reads, “Yes, I am still pregnant!” or “What?! I’m am due February 2nd” I know that many people just care about me and are excited for me to have my baby, but I think my own impatience is starting to cause me to get annoyed at questions regarding when the baby is coming. I feel like I have done something wrong when they ask, “You’re still pregnant?”
I felt like this last time before Raquel was born. I remember being very emotional and when her due date of April 1st rolled around and she hadn’t been born yet, I felt very let down. That day I had taken a prenatal yoga class and while in it I became suddenly overwhelmed with emotion. Dare I say I almost broke down in tears in the midst of a modified downward dog.
My husband is ready to meet his newest daughter too. He called this morning to see if I wouldn’t mind doing my best to have her today. It is February 1, 2012 (2/1/12) and 2112 is the title of one of his favorite Rush albums. He said, “I know you don’t have any control over this but it would be really cool if you could have her today” I was annoyed by his request but thought it was kind of cute so I simply said “I’ll see what I can do”
This past week has had me on a rollercoaster of emotional highs and lows. As I wait for baby, I am doing my best to stay calm and rest but I have found myself up at 2 in the morning thinking and unable to go back to sleep. This lack of sleep led me to being more on the edge with my kids. Thankfully, yesterday we regrouped a little by doing some arts and crafts together. We made a rainbow out of yarn and a little flowerpot. Though I doubt if I have the stamina to get crafty again today. Coloring anyone?
Olivia and Georgia are excited to have a new baby sister, but Rocky has no idea what is coming down the pike. She is on the verge of turning two and I have witnessed a couple of terrible two-ish tantrums over the past few weeks. One occurred this morning in Starbucks as I refused her a second pack of Madeleines. She threw herself down on the floor and took off her rain boots in a fit of rage and tears. Oh, boy.
My mom is here to help us this week. It is our hope that when I do go into labor, and need to leave for the hospital, she will be here to watch the kids. But we are becoming increasingly aware that her time here is limited by her need to return to work early next week. I am feeling the pressure to have the baby even more because it would be wonderful to actually have her here to help with the new baby.
When people say “Wow! You are still pregnant” or “I though you would have had her by now” I would like them to know that I have done everything I can to dare this child to be born; I’ve made appointments for self-care (hair and nails), thrown a party with friends, had white sheets on the bed for awhile, cleaned and organized a ton, etc., etc. I know it really isn’t up to me when she arrives but I do think it is time she grace us with her presence. Come on girlie! The world wants to meet you.