The other day my husband asked me if I wanted to go upstairs for some “one-on-one time” after we got the kids down for a nap. I said “okay” to him, but honestly when he asked, all I could think about was the four baskets of clean laundry upstairs that I wanted to get to folding.  I also secretly knew that the baby would wake up and ruin his plan, which she did, and that I would get stuck nursing and not doing my laundry anyway.

Depending on your point of view, you may find my story funny or tragic, but I know it isn’t unique. I know lots of women who didn’t really feel like getting intimate with their husbands after having a baby. Well, let’s just say, it’s been 12 weeks and the desire hasn’t worked itself completely back into my body yet. The irony is last night when we were both in the mood, and had the opportunity to, we were too physically exhausted to do anything about it. Hey, at least we talked about it. I would say that is a step in the right direction.

I’m finding that with so much going on in our home, we have to work harder to connect with each other. I know from previous experience that when we’ve taken the time to connect in the bedroom, we get along better outside of it. Physical affection has always been something that I craved.  But right now, I’m feeling like I’m craving more alone time. I realized that I have one or more children with me at all times and I rarely get a moment to myself. Even the dog seems to want a piece of me. My mind is literally a war zone of to-do lists. Sadly, I spend a lot of time thinking and very little time getting things checked off my list. Sigh.

Our schedules are such that my husband and I work pretty hard during the day. Often times we are both really tired when we get the kids to sleep.  So maybe we need to find another time when we are both not so tired like during the day when the kids are down for their afternoon nap? Here’s a funny side note: A friend of mine recently posted on Facebook that she and her husband were mortified when their 8 year old walked in on them having sex during the day. She struggled to tell her child what was going on and pretty much summed it up by saying “Mommy and Daddy were exercising”. Hilarious.

I know that we will find our way back to some semblance of normalcy with our sex life and return to the way it was just before having Raquel. But I also know that there are some statistics out there about how infrequent some married people have sex and it scares me. When I first heard these statistics I remember thinking, “No, way. Not me! I don’t want to be a statistic”. But then somewhere between chores, kids, and work, lately I’ve started to realize just how easy it is to simply cohabitate. Sometimes, at dinner, I find myself struggling to slow down and recognize his day or even ask him a question. Usually I am so hungry by the time I get to sit down and eat that I can barely pause to chew my food let alone let some words come out. But since all of this has been on my mind, I have been working on being more physically attentive to my husband with a hug or a kiss before he heads out the door or comes home. I want him to know that I love him and find him attractive even if we are struggling to make time for intimacy in our marriage after baby.

I hope this blog can serve as a dialog starter for anyone who might need it. Thankfully, I’ve just embarrassed the pants off my husband. Ooh! Now, I’m blushing.